Thanks for being so vulnerable. I would encourage you to read the Bible for yourself and let the Holy Spirit speak into your heart. There is nothing in the Good Book that suggests that going to mass will get you into heaven. John 14:6 Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. I hope this doesn't sound preachy. I'd just love to see you in eternity. I know I'll be spending it with Jesus. :)