I'm praying that you find some peace through your therapy. Giving all of that pain to Jesus and asking Him to give you His comfort will make all of the difference in the world. My son has always struggled physically and emotionally. He talked about suicide a couple of times and I told him it would be the worst thing that could happen to me. He didn't want me mentioning God for a long time. Thankfully, he asks me to pray for him now, and he's in a better place. My best friend lost her son. The pain eases, but never goes away according to her. God bless and keep you lovely lady. 🙏